Out of Left Field–Unexpected Things to Hear at the Office

“Out of left field” is an expression taken from baseball. It means something unexpected, odd, or strange. In the office things come from out of left field every day. In the HR department, they sometimes come out every hour.

OUT OF LEFT FIELD: FIRST DAY ON THE JOB

• The employee manual says I don’t get paid time off for the first 90 days. I suppose that means you won’t let me take off even for my aunt’s funeral!
  HR MANAGER: Of course you can. When is it?
  • How should I know? She’s not dead yet!

• How long do I have to do this job before I can transfer to the marketing department?
• Can I change my hours? It took me forty-five minutes to get here today and I’m not a morning person.

OUT OF LEFT FIELD: AT THE COFFEE MACHINE

• This weekend I’m starting my volunteer job. I’m getting to assist the mortician at the funeral home where I interned during school.

OUT OF LEFT FIELD: ON THE JOB INTERVIEW

• Are you open to suggestions? I see several areas where I can make improvements. I think I can make a big difference here.
• I was a debutante and am still very active with the debutantes, so I’ll need flexibility to attend meetings and conventions.
• Do I have to wear shoes to work? I do my best work barefoot.
• If you hire me, can I get an advance on my salary?
• What is your drug policy?
• Is this the only job you have open? I really wanted something more challenging.
• Are you a Christian?
• Is it okay if I keep my phone on? I’m expecting a call about another job.

HR DIRECTOR: Why did you decide to change jobs?

• I’ll be honest. You see, men find me attractive… It can cause problems.
• I have unlimited potential and it’s being hampered by my manager.
• My boss keeps throwing curve balls. She tells me to get my work done on time, then she criticizes me for making mistakes. She looks for mistakes!
• I didn’t. They fired me.
• My daughter is sleeping with my boss.
• My mother is sleeping with my boss.
• My boss is never satisfied. I no sooner finish one job, than she expects me to jump right onto another one.

HR DIRECTOR:  Why are you interested in this position?

• Oh, I’m open to anything. I don’t care what I do.
• I’m not sure I am, but my husband says I have to get a job and earn some money.
• I sent out a lot of resumes, but you’re the only one who responded.
• It’s something I know I can do for a while before I pursue my career.
• Your company’s name is impressive. I think it will look good on my resume.
• You know when you have children something’s always happening. This is only 15 minutes from my house so I can get there quickly when one of my children need me.

HR DIRECTOR: What are your long-term goals?

• My most important goal is to be a dad. Of course, I have to find a wife first.
• Business or personal?
• I just want to be happy.
• To fulfill my potential.